Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
