Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
