There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
