Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
