and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
