omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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