Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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