Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
