i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
