She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
