just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
