We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
