Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need moral support for this bender
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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