He is such a slut. More and more my type.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
