1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
