I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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