New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
