His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
