She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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