When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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