Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think we sleep fucked last night...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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