Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
