I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
