But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cannot find my penis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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