some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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