Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
