we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
handjob tips. give me some.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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