keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
