definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
