The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
