Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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