He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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