i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
