pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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