i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize