Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
