Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
