we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
