Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
