i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
