Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
