but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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