Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
