So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
