I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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