does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
