I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
