And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
