Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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