I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize