My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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