Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
