Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
