wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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