Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
