I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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