dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it because I queefed?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
