I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize