So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
