Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
