walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
