1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
