totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize