remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
