so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
