you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
