but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
