There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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