i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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